Patience

Robert stayed home from school today.  Most of the day he's been relaxing on the couch, watching tv, and leaving the rest of the munchkin population alone.  I don't like it when the kids are sick, but I love it when they sit around and do nothing.  The twins are not sick today.  The twins are full of fire and mischief today.  Between digging in the unpacked kitchen  boxes for possible weapons, beating the snot out of each other, and screaming louder than banshees they're driving me crazy!  I can deal with the make-shift weapons, I can deal with the wrestling matches on the floor (hell, I'll even ring the bell *ding**ding*) I can NOT however deal with the screaming.  Even more than Matthew standing next me whining Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, MoMmY, MOMMY, MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, the screaming gets to me.  It's like a white hot poker straight in my brain.  I've been running a little thin on patience anyway dealing with the general mayhem created by caring for 4 young kids.  Today my patience is SHOT!  I swear, one more scream and I'm going off the deep end.

Mommy needs a time out!

Calling on Jiminy Cricket

When it comes to snarky comments, sarcasm, and general antagonistic acts I'm a pro.  I'm quick to point out the short comings of others for a good laugh.  I poke mercilessly to get reactions out of people.  I will do anything to be the funny one.

These are some huge things I'm having issues with.  In my "be a better me" quest, I've begun to think about the things that I say and how they really effect others.  Not just the laughs, but the pain behind them.  I want to be able to stop this.  Before every snarky comment I make, I now think before I say it.  It's difficult though because I really feel like I have that little cartoon angel and devil perched on my shoulders.  The devil is telling me, "yeah it's funny, go for it!"  While the angel reminds me, "you know this isn't helping your quest any."  It's hard to be nice!  It's much easier to say the things you know people will get a chuckle out of, even if it pisses someone off.  Even though I've been thinking about the things I say before I say them, I still say them.  That little devil still wins out.  From now on, I'm calling on Jiminy Cricket.  He comes alone and reminds me to always let my conscience be my guide.

and so it begins....

I've been a very unhappy person for a very long time.  Honestly, I'm sick and tired of it.  This life has provided me with infinite blessings and I need to take a step back and enjoy them.  I am starting today.  First, gone are the bad attitudes, looking for the negatives, and cynical approaches.  I am going to start setting positive goals for myself instead of just muddling through life day to day.  I am going to live each day, not just make it through.

Not only do I need to improve things for myself, I need to improve them for others as well.  I want to be the kind of friend that I would like to have.  Instead of picking people apart for all of their shortcomings, I would like to be able to appreciate all that is good in them.  I want to be a better mom, wife, daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and friend.  I want to let all of the people in my life know just how important they are to me.

My short term goal is to put away the kitchen.  All of my cabinets are finally in place.  They are beautiful and I am going to fill them with the contents of the boxes that have been littering the kids playroom.

Each new adventure must have a place to start.  Here is mine.